I have made many decisions over the past year and a bit about my Work and the directions I am taking. Many of these decisions were not so much a change as an acceptance of what I had been avoiding accepting about myself and my life. Today I took another step forward, one that seemed natural at the time. It has been coming for a while and seemed logical this morning. However, by this evening, as I was on my yoga mat, the reality of this particular step hit me and I was suddenly awash with the feeling of, "Oh. My. Goddess. What have I done?" I felt suddenly sorrowful and afraid, at once small and shaking.
The action that triggered this feeling for me was when I raised my gaze in order to center during a standing pose. I've been working on this act of raising my gaze for a while now, and suddenly I became aware that I was raising my eyes to meet the gaze of my peers head on, without any apology, and with full responsibility for myself and my choices. Wow, what an impact that simple action had on me!
But this is months and months into this deeper practice of centering, of accepting, of opening to myself. I have practiced replacing "I can do this" with the phrase "I can be open to this" or "I can accept this". The emphasis is subtle but important for me.
I still feel a bit of regret over how the choice I accepted today will change some important relationships in my life, but I also know absolutely (again, as a result of all this Practice) that this is the right Path for me right now. I recentered on my yoga mat, focused on my breath, and once again faced my Work a single, precious moment at a time. I slowed down, and thought about how good it will feel to come to my meditation altar tonight, how nurturing and nourishing - and essential - that practice is for me.
