Kiyowara

Let Peace begin with me

I have been doing fairly intense Lightwork this season. There is a great deal of need in the world right now, and I have been fortunate to have the internal resources to offer my Work up in some important ways.  I feel the stirrings of Peace on the Winter wind, and I wish to foster the growth of the desire for Peace. 

As the song says, Peace begins with me.   To that end, I have decided to start a Peace shawl for myself. This shawl, which I have wanted to knit for sometime, is soft and intended to remind me of my desire to work for greater Peace in the World starting with creating Peace within myself.  I began knitting on the shawl on the Winter Solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere to commemorate specific Work in which I assisted designed to support the growing Light in the World of spirit.  The shawl actually has the word Peace knitted into it.  The knitting is going much more quickly than I expected it to; I will likely finish it before the end of January.

With this in mind, I have decided that this journey of Peace shawl knitting will encompass more than one shawl.  The first, as I mentioned, is for me, since Peace must begin within each person individually.  The second will be for a close family member; supporting Peace within the family, whether birth or chosen, is the next logical step.  If I have time before December 21, 2012, I will knit a shawl for a member of my community, outside of my immediate family, who is in need.  This is the reach of support from within a family out into their surrounding community.  Beyond that, if I have time in this year, I will knit a Peace shawl for donation to a charity that can place it with someone in need that I do not know, thus reaching further out into the greater World with Love in mind. 

I do not need for these shawls to all be the same pattern.  In fact, it might even be better if they are all completely different.  Each of them will be knit with Love in mind.  That is the goal here: to foster Love, and with that the Peace which passes beyond the understanding of our every day mind into the heart of the Divine.  

Won't you join me?  Knitted, crochet, felted, woven, sewn, stitched, using whatever technique speaks to your spirit, create something that conveys Love and warmth, seed the Light of Peace in yourself, and then reach out.  It doesn't matter how many pieces you make, nor how quickly, it is the intent that counts.  Peace, begin with me.  Let me share this Light.

Let there be Light

I find myself having completed a curious circle this year.  Tonight we put our Yule decorations around the house.  As boxes were unpacked I found myself holding a thing which seemed last year a remnant of things that no longer had meaning for me: a blown glass angel.

We have used this angel as a tree topper for several years.  It's wonderful, and I must admit that my inner squirrel is oh-so-delighted with the shiny glass, especially when it is illuminated.  However, as my family drew away from the Christian traditions of our collective childhoods and closer to to celebrating the natural cycle of the Wheel of the Year, we began to feel the angel represented a deity that no worked for us.  I wanted to return to the star on the tree top that I had as a child, unknowing in my innocence that my own parents were more Pagan in their leanings than I could have imagined.  We've had the a lovely star on our tree top now for the past few years, and the angel has sat as a decoration in another part of the house.  I don't think we even unpacked the angel last year.  It just didn't seem to experess our feelings about this season.

In the past year so much has changed for me.  Growth has occurred that I could not have anticipated and yet is somehow the culmination of all my life at the same time.  I found an inner light that fires my will, that inspires me to stand tall and reach out from a place of strength that I did not know I possesed.  I found a love that I had only glimpsed somewhere in my dreams.  Through this Light I even found healing for familial wounds that I thought I'd never forgive.  I am learning to live, really live, with a love that fills me to overflowing.  It is sometimes painful, always joyful, and I want others to see this Light and also desire to live in Love with all their being.  There is no greater gift to give or receive...and I understand now that no one, not one single other being, can take this away from me or anyone.  It shines down from the stars, and we are made of stars.  There is no difference, there is no distance, it is here, now, within each of us.

As I unpacked the angel I was struck by the Light reflected through Her.  I saw the Light Being He represents, not the cultural connotations that I turned from earlier on this journey.  My inner starlight leapt and my heart cried out that this, this is the same Light, One Light, shining forth.  There is no separation and yet a racous celebration of all that makes us unique.  And so I have come Full Circle, Light to Light, Love to Love, and my eyes filled with tears as my heart overflowed with Joy.

Let there be Light. Let yourselves be never ending Light. Lux Aeterna! Yah Fatah, The Way is Open!

 

108 days

Yesterday I began a 108 day challenge.  This will finish on 18 January, my lovely Wife's birthday.  I have some simple goals in mind, and since it takes about 6 weeks to change a habit, I thought that this time span would be ample time to set new habits into place.  

My goals for this time are as follows:

1. Yoga in some form every day.  This does not mean that I do a strong vinyasa class every day.  Some days I will do a short restorative routine.  The idea is one of continuity, not physical punishment.  Yoga helps my physical and psychic bodies remain in alignment.  This kind of alignment helps me to live my life at a much higher frequency, energizing and enlivening my work in the world.

2. Create a better relationship with food.  I love food.  It's sometimes feels difficult to be a foodie with all the food allergies and other food restrictions that I have, and yet there is a world of wonderful food still available to me.  I wish to create a happier, healthier relationship with the food that I *can* eat, and to conquer the resistance of the past several years to journaling my food intake.  To that end, I will food journal every day.  Again, consistency helps build new habits.  This is not about making judgements about the food I eat, but rather being able to have the investigative trail to look at when I don't feel well, to see if there was a food culprit involved.  This is also a way to learn to appreciate the beautiful and tasty food that *does* nourish and support me.

3.   Increase my practice habits.  I have a well-established daily practice.  It is the cornerstone of my life.  Even so, there is a whirlwind rising in the world and I feel called to further deepen my practice.  I wish to be of service; to do this I must first be in service to myself.  My daily practice is the place where I can go within, observe myself, and from which I can build strong foundations.

In choosing to start at this time of year, I am setting in motion changes that will be firmly in process when Samhain arrives.  In the Wheel of the Year spiritual tradition that my family practices, this symbolizes the arrival of the New Year, and my stated timeline will carry me through into the a time when the changing light is apparent again in mid-January.  This feels to me like a good synchronicity of nature and intent.  Join me if you feel called to do so, and we will work in support of each other. Make a commitment to enrich your own life in whatever way feels appropriate.  All Work that supports us in growing and moving toward the Light illuminates the World.

Namaste.

The Curse (or Blessing) of Mercury

I have begun this past week to feel the foreshadowing of Mercury coming into Retrograde.  Having a Virgo birthsign, I feel the pull of this powerful planet's movement through Retrograde more than some people do, hence the reason that I feel the stirrings and weight of this passage about a week before the normal shadowing period begins.  Actual Mercury in Retrograde begins on Friday, December 10, 2010.  By then, I would normally expect to be a drooling idiot.  I hope to change my responses to this event this time.

This has been a year full of so many personal changes for me.  I am waking up, and though it subjectively feels like a slow process I am aware that by objective time it has occurred very quickly.  I am certainly not perfect, and old patterns are pernicious in their attempt to remain in my life. However,  I can feel a place where the "I Am" dwells within me; more and more often I act from this place rather than from a place of fear.  

So, as I felt the first stirrings of Retrograde affect me I started the process of finding new ways to adapt.  I want to be in a place of strength here, to continue to choose my life rather than let it choose me.  I told my spice that I was feeling these astronomical and astrological effects, that I felt a heaviness settle on me along with my usual inability to communicate clearly during these events.  In doing so, I found them willing to be a bit more patient with me as I needed extra time to articulate my feelings.  I have committed to a 25 day consecutive run of yoga (part of another ongoing story), which coincides with this time period as well.  It should be interesting to observe how these proactive measures influence the outcome of this time period.

Perhaps that is the real key here - that I now feel the connection to the Watcher, the One Who Observes, my own God Soul, Spirit Light, that part of me that has a broader view than the more landlocked parts.  I wish for ALL of me to show up.  It has been an interesting thing to note just where, when, and how parts of me become lost along the way, rejected, or hidden.  And so, I will attempt to welcome with compassion this part of me that feels this cosmic pull, the influence of the planetary bodies with which we share this solar system.  This time, then, becomes a period of graceful challenge for me to hold myself with even more compassion, to rise above my perceived difficulties and grow.

If I say something to you and it comes out in complete gibberish, please let me know!  And if you can afford a little extra patience with me as I take the time to articulate what I have to say, I will do my best to offer you the same in your difficult times.  

The value of community

Today I picked up my daughter from her new school.  Instead of her standing alone, with hunched shoulders and looking downcast, she was bubbly and alive.  I found her, as I had expected to, sitting with two other children that she already knew from her middle school.  That she had this ongoing community on which to build her foundations at the new school was and is precious, but what happened next was perhaps even more indicative of why we moved her to this new school.

As we watched, another girl proceeded to slip on the stairs.  The stairs are carpeted, and blessedly she was unhurt.  However, I heard her yell out to my daughter (they just met earlier today), "Didn't I just say I was going to slip like that!" with a big smile on her face as she shared her sense of humor with my daughter.  My daughter joined in and together they giggled away the possible disaster.  Community, a possible friendship budding, an intention for a member of an established community to reach out to a new member - priceless, absolutely priceless.

This stands in stark contrast to the beginning of the school year.  We had high hopes for our local public high school. It came with high recommendations, and as an International Baccalaureate school, it seemed that it would meet our daughter's academic needs, as well as potentially placing her in a group of like minded children.  We couldn't have been much farther from the truth on either point.  

The first week of school, our daughter was immediately isolated and cried her way through the end of that week and the beginning of the next.  No one noticed, not another student, not a teacher or administrator.  We worked with her hoping that it was just new school jitters, but the isolation only grew.  To top that off, this school does nothing to accommodate gifted students - in English she was bored to tears.  And the more she shined in some of her other classes, such as biology and geometry, the more isolated from other students she became.  If she wasn't willing to be mainstream media driven, wear make up and high heels, etc., the other girls had no time for her.  She even ended up with her first moment of fear of discrimination as she listened to another student ridicule a fellow student for being gay.  Ninth grade is far too early to settle into identity issues like that, and ridicule only slows the process.  How can anyone, at any age, figure out who they are in an environment of fear?

I feel grateful to have found Mid-Peninsula High School, and many times over grateful to be able to make it work for her to attend school there.  It will require some changes in our lifestyle, but it's worth every bit of effort to have our daughter in a safe and caring environment where she will be challenged to become the best she can be rather than ridiculed or ostracized into submission.

After all, don't we all deserve to be remembered, at least by name?

Goddess bless my wife!

My beautiful wife brought me a latte AND held it for me to drink from while I had hands covered in purple wood stain! I really love and appreciate Kaye!

Busy day off!

I had a very busy day off today! I'm happy to report that the ugly flu from last week is truly gone. The day started off nicely with some much needed connection time with my beautiful wife. She brought Peets in with her from her round dropping off the child at school. Doesn't get much better than that!

We spent a fair amount of time today doing some much needed clothes sorting. The result is a huge pile of go-away clothes (again!) and happily organized clothes from which to choose when getting dressed. That makes my morning go so much more smoothly! I was so pleased that the next size smaller workout clothes fit now. There will be more rounds of clothing going away over the next few months, so another Swap will be in order soon! Tonight's efforts cleared yet another storage box to go away as well. Yeah!

Here is a picture of the sweater rack all newly cleared and organized. It felt great to get some of this done!

Windy days!

Wow, stuck my nose out back and saw that our swing was precariously up ended next to the hot tub. I have no idea when this happened. I guess that's how out of it I have been since I can't imagine that this happened quietly!

Tony update (again), and other news

Looks like Tony has a bouncing baby 1-2 mm stone.  It's apparently moving, so the decision is to pain manage and monitor for the stone for 2-3 days.   If his pain gets worse he's to call and get better pain management; if after 3 days there is still no stone, then we get to try the next thing.  He's working from home for the rest of the week. Fortunately, his pain management seems to be working well at the moment.  He's just a bit worn out, and he won't be driving for a few days as he'll be on pain meds.

On the other hand,

punkmom

got into her sleep study 2 days early, so managing the rest of the week just got a whole lot easier.  Thursday is

ghostballet

's 40th birthday, which we are planning to celebrate on Sunday.  I'm tired, but looking forward to a massage and a good night's sleep tonight as tomorrow is my day off.

In good news, I did finish project 5 of 8 today.  I finished up the knitting on a bottom up triangular shawl out of a lovely yarn from Creatively Dyed.   The shop will be getting yarn and fiber from this hand dyer in late June.  I'm really excited!  Look for pictures of the shawl on the shop blog in the next couple of days.  I still have to block it.  I'm still hoping to finish the remaining 3 projects of "the bet," but we'll see. I'm pretty run down at this point.

Tony update

So, we went for the CT scan this morning, and Tony and I were reminded of the old joke about having the cat walk on the patient in the doctor's office: cat scan...followed by the dog walking around patient: lab work!  (BAAAAD joke!)  Anyway, the scan was quick and Tony is not in pain this morning, so hopefully the fool stone has moved off of whatever wretched nerve it was on yesterday.  We'll see the PCP later this afternoon to get the results and figure out what's next.

Thank you all for the support.  Yeah, we really didn't need one more stressor at this point, but at least kidney stones are something we can work with. :)