Kiyowara

Beloved

Daring, I stand
Quivering with anticipation
I have waited for you
Oh Beloved
A breathless hope
A faint glimmer of Light
Held close in the Dark
While the World cried out
And I held fast

This is part of a longer work I hope to complete before Yule.

Inspiration versus Discernment

We live in times that are speeding up.  The level of chaos and despair is spiraling out of control.  The Call is loud and clear, and yet, and yet, the best way we can answer that call is to do the thing that is most counterintuitive for most of us: Slow Down.  

With all this chaos are rising more and more inspirational voices.  The louder The Call becomes the more we rise up to meet that challenge.  I find myself wanting to answer every calling voice, to step up in as many ways as I can.  However, there is point at which my efforts become so dilute as to be ineffective.  

In order to do my best work, I need to think deeply on which aspects of The Call fit best with my personal abilities.  What do I bring to the table?  Which of my skills are best suited?  There need not be judgment here, nor do I need to box myself into one choice, but I do need to recognize that without self-care I won't have any resources left in which to rise up to the challenge of our times.

What is self-care?  Self-care can be seen as Discernment, employing that internal observer that can, without judgment, assess a situation and the appropriate response from a place of slow calm. Discernment allows us to delve into the mystery of our own personal resources and to say yes or no to an invitation to action based on its appropriateness in our current life situation.  

There are many Lightworkers now, publicly accessible people who are openly activating Light work by through teaching, writing, and doing activist work.  My heart longs to help each and every one, but my inner Observer calls me back to my own center, whispering to me to discern each opportunity and it's alignment to my own path.  Where can I be most effective?  Is that part of The Call one that I have skills to meet? Are there parts of my own Lightwork that take priority right now? Am I taking the time to keep my own body, mind, heart, and soul in alignment before I reach out to contribute to something else? Am I remembering myself, maintaining my own container to work at its optimum capacity? Where do I need to push out of my comfort zone, and where do I need to concentrate on my strongest skills?  Does the desire of my heart outweigh the skill of my hands?  Should I answer my heart's call and learn along the way?  What needs to change in my life to support that decision?

These questions can only be answered from a place of stillness.  As tempting as it is to answer the dazzling call of the incoming Light, we must first address the still, dark place of our center and know the deep desire there.  Choosing action from a position of slow strength gives us a solid foundation.  This kind of solid base helps us to always be working from our center, our sincerest desire, and makes the efforts we do the most potent they can be.  

Slow down and take a breath with me.  Feel that breath fill you, nourish you, connect you, and center you.  Look out on the world from within your own center.  These eyes you use will see more clearly from a smooth flow.  Breath out and feel that rejoining, reuniting with the whole.  This way we can work in unity, this way we can effect real, lasting change.

Namaste

You are stars, part 2

"You are stars."

There is a difference between believing that each of us has a spark of the Divine within us and knowing that we are Divine.  The idea that we hold only a spark of the Divine gives us too much room to reject the rest of ourselves as not worthy some how by virtue of not being Divine.  If we are Divine in totality, then it behooves us to accept and integrate ALL of who we are, our Light and our Dark, as one whole, like the Yin Yang symbol where each has the other within.  

How different would the world be if we each stepped up to embrace our Divinity, if we regarded all of our parts as sacred?  I believe we could then communicate on a much deeper level.  From that connection we could truly change the world.

Namaste.

You are stars

"Why do you reject that which you are, that which you create? You are stars."

I found myself rejecting this idea, that we are stars, replacing that phrase with phrases like "we are made of star stuff," or "we are made of stars."  Both of those made sense to my rational mind: everything in our Universe is made of the same substance, the same stuff that came wheeling out of the Big Bang, the same elements, the same energies, whirling and growing and moving outward.  My mind rebelled at the idea that we are stars.  The idea that I could myself be a star was even more difficult to swallow.

And yet, and yet...there is that Call, the call to be whole, to reach for integration.  At moments when I let go and get out of my own way, there it is, that flow that moves through me, enlivens me, fills me with awe, with a deep and abiding sense of wonderment at the creation around us.  Nothing brings me closer to Joy than the moment when I see in someone else's eyes that ignition of spirit.  When that light of hope and connection rises, it joins me with another in a deeper understanding, like the separation we experience externally disappears but without any sense of losing the essence of ourselves.  The ego fear that I will lose my unique personhood evaporates and what's left is some essential sense of self meeting self, each an essential part of an exquisitely beautiful whole.  At that point the whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts, but each individual part is critical to reaching the sum in the first place.  

We are stars, wheeling and growing and dancing.  Won't dance with me?

Namaste.

The Call

More questions than answers

What am I?  

I am not certain anymore

Puzzle pieces fit together

But there are pieces missing

Who am I?

I thought I knew

But each time I get close

It all changes again

Heart, and Mind, and Spirit

These and my two hands

Are the only givens

In a world gone mad

What I do know

Is what feels right

And that is where I must put my faith

and all my pledges

If there is to be change

If there is to be hope

If there is to be love

Then I must answer that call.

-Sandi Luck, 14 August 2011

Raise your gaze

I have made many decisions over the past year and a bit about my Work and the directions I am taking. Many of these decisions were not so much a change as an acceptance of what I had been avoiding accepting about myself and my life. Today I took another step forward, one that seemed natural at the time.  It has been coming for a while and seemed logical this morning.  However, by this evening, as I was on my yoga mat, the reality of this particular step hit me and I was suddenly awash with the feeling of, "Oh. My. Goddess. What have I done?"  I felt suddenly sorrowful and afraid, at once small and shaking.  

The action that triggered this feeling for me was when I raised my gaze in order to center during a standing pose.  I've been working on this act of raising my gaze for a while now, and suddenly I became aware that I was raising my eyes to meet the gaze of my peers head on, without any apology, and with full responsibility for myself and my choices.  Wow, what an impact that simple action had on me!  

But this is months and months into this deeper practice of centering, of accepting, of opening to myself. I have practiced replacing "I can do this" with the phrase "I can be open to this" or "I can accept this". The emphasis is subtle but important for me.  

I still feel a bit of regret over how the choice I accepted today will change some important relationships in my life, but I also know absolutely (again, as a result of all this Practice) that this is the right Path for me right now.  I recentered on my yoga mat, focused on my breath, and once again faced my Work a single, precious moment at a time.  I slowed down, and thought about how good it will feel to come to my meditation altar tonight, how nurturing and nourishing - and essential - that practice is for me.  

Sacrifice

"Laying your life down for a cause isn't Sacrifice," She said to me, "unless you first wish to LIVE."

Love is what remains

I stand before you

Without any offering

Seemingly naked

I have nothing to offer you

But my body

My mind

My spirit

My heart

Just me

And you tell me THAT

Is the only offering worthy of this love

ALL of me, the whole of me,

This is the only gift

You will receive of me

Wonderment

Then this I give

With all I have to give

In service of Love

Acceptance

And She said to me, "Choosing is easy; just make the choice and it is so. Only you can choose. Holding onto that choice amidst the noise of Life is what feels difficult. That is where I can help, if you will let me."

Circle of Life

LIfe brings strange opportunities sometimes, and learning occurs often when you least expect it.  This wasn't the blog post I had planned for today, but it is the post that feels most appropriate. 

Thanks to my friend, Rebecca, I ended up doing a task that while I have been taught this skill, it's been many decades since I have had to use it.  While growing up, I was taught to dress meat and fish, to prepare all kinds of animal protein for food consumption. I have had the luxury in my adult years of not really having to deal with this aspect of food preparation.  The plethora of good quality markets in the area in which I live combined with having the means to purchase fish and meat already dressed has been lovely.  

So, when I was offered some fresh caught Alaskan salmon from a great fish market in Half Moon Bay I said yes - forgetting that fish from a real fish market needs just a *bit* more preparation than I have become accustomed to!  After looking up several recipes for whole salmon, I headed into the kitchen to start preparing the fish...and then I realized that I would have to scale the fish at the very least!  

Oh my, I had created a great case of amnesia about scaling fish!

It took me a few minutes to remember the "use short, enthusiastic strokes" as one web site said to bring the scales up.  The first half of the fish took me three times longer to do than the second side!  Removing the fins was more exciting than I remembered since I haven't the knives sharpened since December; removing the tail got a lot easier when I remembered that I owned a large cleaver!  I had to hip the dog out of the way; her dog food is a salmon and sweet potato mix and I'm sure the smell of this fish being prepared was just delicious to her! (Did I mention that my dog is tall enough to put her face on the counter?  Talk about exciting food prep!  Fighting for my food in my own kitchen!)  I also found myself growing shaky towards the end.  The reminder, as I finished with the carcass, that this had been a living animal only a few days ago, a fellow inhabitant of this blue marble on which we live, struck a chord in me.  I had to breathe and talk my way through the final moments.

Nonetheless, I feel really proud of my efforts.  The resulting fillets looked lovely on a tray waiting for garlic butter and lemon.  There is a small mound of flaked salmon rescued from the rest of the body after I removed the fillets that I have gently poaching on the stove.  

The theme I felt running through all this was remember: Remember where we come from, that we are all interconnected and interdependent, and any idea that we are separate and can afford to mindlessly use up our world without Love and Honour are just very dangerous and expensive illusions.  Times may come soon where I need to remember these skills again, and I wish to do so remembering the honour and thank that which has given it's current life for me to continue to walk this path.  

Remember, remember, return to Center. Reach out, breathe, and feel the interconnectedness between all the beings of our Universe.  We come from the same Source, and we will return to the same Source, and only the loving actions we take in between make any difference in the end.  

Namaste.