Yesterday I did a thing. It was an important thing, though to many people it may not have seemed particularly significant.
I allowed myself to play with something different in the middle of another project.
I have this idea about the meaning of the word play, that it entails a frenetic energy, an impulsive state of chaos, that I find really difficult to enjoy. This is even more difficult now as I struggle to keep my heart rate and blood pressure in an even, calm state so that my poor beat up heart can heal from the pounding of my recent SCAD (see my previous post if you want details), and the rewriting of my life that this is going to entail. This event has really highlighted for me many places in my psyche where I need to dig in and ferret out some really old baggage that is dragging my spirit - and my life - down a drain, leaving me with no resiliency to face life.
The backstory leading up to last night is that I just sold one of my spinning wheels. I had longed to have a try with a Majacraft Little Gem II wheel, and lucked into one of my very own with very low mileage a couple of years ago! It’s a lovely wheel, but I felt like it just wasn’t getting the attention it deserved and I made the decision to sell it. It sold so quick that I pulled off the project I was in the middle of and packed it up! That left the project in-progress languishing; that project in itself is a bit of departure from my usual spinning! I am working on a 3 ply aran weight yarn in lovely merino/silk in a creamy vanilla-white colour, intended for a cropped sweater with cowl neck for this winter. I am in love with the way the yarn is turning out! However, now I was left with the quandary of which wheel to use to finish up the project (it’s about 2/3rd complete).
At the same time, I have been spinning yarn on my beautiful custom tattooed Majacraft Aura, named Ao Marama, called Marama for short, that is quite fine. Honestly, it’s not a really enjoyable project as the fiber in question is really not up to the weight I have chosen for it, but am doggedly working on it, and I have gotten *just shy* of the half way point. I had taken a look at the ratios and realised that the slowest ratio in my current set up on Marama would match the ratio I was using on the Little Gem. However, I ran smack into my internal messaging system that screamed out, “you can’t interrupt an in-progress project to do this playing thing! How dare you!”
Well, that sat uncomfortably with me, since I’m currently deep in trying to ferret out limiting thoughts like this and send them packing. Most of these kinds of ideas aren’t even mine to begin with! And so, when I had a small bit of energy I got up last night and changed out the set up on Marama to match what I needed for the transferred project.
It worked like a dream and was pure bliss to spin!
This morning as I was talking through this experience with my family, I realised that I have a lot of unpacking to do around the word play. I have this idea that playing means chaos, and as I had two very unstable parents I learned very early to eschew chaos at all costs. Last night I learned that play could be quiet, joyful, even controlled and carefully thought out. The feeling was like a soothing balm to my spirit.
I wish you play, in whatever way that play needs to present to you, that it refreshes your spirit and brings you joy.